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“Wagner’s War”
THOMAS PUBLIC RELATIONS INC, 2002

Rating: 10/10

Don’t you just love the smell of napalm in the morning?

On your knees, unworthy slaves! Bow down to the genius, the Queen of Shred Metal, the Goddess of Speed, the Mistress of War, the One and Only - THE GREAT KAT!!! (Add as many exclamation marks here as you need).

The Queen of… hmm… pretty much Everything is back with another album. Are you afraid? Oh, you should be! This woman is INSANE and apparently very dangerous! Kat’s new album, “Wagner’s War” is set to strike fear into the hearts of all humankind, but first of all - the “Damn Sick Terrorists.”

Those of you familiar with the concept of The Great Kat, know what it’s all about - classical music mixed with Heavy Metal and performed at speed that rips your guts out and makes blood freeze in your veins. Kat’s previous works, such as “Bloody Vivaldi”, “Beethoven on Speed” or “Rossini’s Rape”, have already entered the annals of Heavy Metal history. The new album is bound for eternity as well.

Directly inspired by the events of 9/11, “Wagner’s War” is yet another masterpiece from the fastest guitar-goddess alive. Consisting of three acts, appropriately named “War”, “Revenge” and “Victory”, the album is only 11 minutes long, but that’s not a problem.
The problem for most of you, kneeling slaves (you’re still kneeling down, right?), is to SURVIVE this massacre! Bloodthirsty lyrics, the thunderous sounds of Kat tormenting her guitar and fiddle (sorry, a VIOLIN) and the tortured screams of Her Majesty, is what you get from “Wagner’s War”. This thing is so furious that even the multiple Black Metal Norwegians (who, no doubt, should kneel and bow too) couldn’t have done better!

The Great Kat is a one-girl (actually, one-goddess) army! The Queen is equipped with bulletbelts, helmets, grenades, handcuffs, whips and chains. She’s set to kill, conquer, avenge the innocent and punish the cowardly enemy. And she sure gets the desired effect. If the sounds of Wagner’s “The Ride of the Valkyries” struck fear into the hearts of Vietnamese troops in 1967, Kat’s genius music would make all the terrorist bastards fall on the ground, cry and call for their mummy. I say, what we do now, is pack Kat’s bags and send her to Iraq to restore order. I’m sure, she’ll quickly get them all jumping through her hoops.

If you never heard Kat’s masterpieces before - go get this album! If you have - go get yourself another copy! If you already got two copies of every album (and “Wagner’s War” is her release number 6) - you may consider yourself safe. I personally am too afraid of Kat to criticise this work of art in any way. I know, she’ll come after me…

So, on your knees, unworthy slaves! The Queen is coming!

Rating: 10/10